Maybe don’t send these inappropriate vintage Valentine’s Day cards

With Valentine's Day coming up, you may be on the hunt for the perfect card that puts your love for another person into words. Cute animals, hearts and flowers are the run of the mill, but sometimes card companies creative with their puns and imagery. Sometimes a little TOO creative. Check out these vintage Valentine's Day cards that you will not be seeing re-appear anytime soon, as they were made in, as we say, a different era. They are all inappropriate or scary in their own way, and we didn't even include the super racist ones!

Gun Valentine


When candy and flowers doesn’t win her heart, try COLD LEAD.

Shell Valentine

We can assume this is a distinguished clam propositioning us, not a talking goiter that’s ready to go out on the town.

Devil Valentine

“So, tell me about your Tinder date last night.”

“Well, he’s the devil…”

“That sounds like a red flag.”


wall valentine

Do NOT give this one to a Trump supporter.

caveman valentine

There was a real era of “Declaration of love / Veiled threat”-themed Valentine cards in the 1920’s and 30’s.

Before Twilight made vampires beautiful, you had middle-aged-men-vampires getting all emo about past-tense love on your cards.

police valentine

What IS it with these cards? There are a ton of “very realistic guns being held by children, threatening you with love” cards.

skunk valentine

Okay! Here’s a light-hearted one! I guess they figured making it a skunk instead of a child would make this suicide threat cute? It did not work!

eyes valentine

Looks more like hunting for “cocaine” rather than “love”, but whatever you say, manhole-eyes!

mount valentine

Okay. There’s no way they didn’t know what they were doing.

What is “You sure ‘mount’ a lot with me” supposed to be a pun of?¬† “Count a lot”, I guess? You know how everyone is always saying “You sure count a lot with me”? Even that would be “TO me”, not “WITH me”.

Ah, the pre-internet.

blow valentine

Goodnight, everybody!

Looking for GOOD ideas of what to give for Valentine's Day? Here's our list of some activities going on in Cleveland for you and your sweetheart:
Valentine's Day events that go beyond dinner in 2020